This graduate school abroad thing isn’t turning out the way I thought it would be
Who would have thought that an actual pandemic would happen this new year. It was all so chill and peaceful in January. What happened? Crazy. Craaazy. And the scary thing is there’s no end in sight.
This, after everything that happened in the first semester (losing my passport, navigating multiple consulate visits, losing my _____, losing my lolo…). Piling all of that on top of regular academics, everyday troubles, missing loved ones… There’ve been so many curveballs. It’s been tough.
It’s fully Spring now and we are at the capstone project part of the program, but it’s all happening online. We already had the last couple of weeks of the last semester online, which was cool and such a novelty at first, but now is just a drag. It’s so hard completing a major team project just on Zoom when normally we would be meeting in conference rooms, having coaching sessions, etc. Next up we’ll have a virtual showcase, which replaces the usual posterboards, booths in a fair and auditorium presentations. Feels big, but the motivation is really really small at this point. The school is trying their best to make everything feel normal and light, as if it’s all the same thing just moved online, which has merit in itself. But tbh I’m really missing the personal touch and empathy and profoundness of my uni back home haha. It’s just 2 different approaches I guess. Just gotta suck it up and deal.
Nothing can go back to normal after this really. Even the toughest minds and hearts right now are starting to strain. I know mine are. I’ve always been really good at being independent and keeping myself busy, not having to go out and party and hang all the time, but the isolation just gets to you sometimes. I’ve broken down maybe twice in the last several weeks. Last night I had a dream like my mind was a data dashboard (lol) that had a map which pinpointed me here in Northeastern US and really traveled the path all the way to home, dropping a pin to my house after several zooms. It was like emphasizing how far away I was from my family in the midst of this crisis. And I woke up tearing up. It was so dramatic.
More and more causes for concern keep coming up, but I’m just trying my best to be grateful for the things that are going OK. Grades are fine. Family is fine. Food & comfort situation is fine. I’m still gonna end up earning a degree after all this, with some very unique challenges. I’m still living that dream life abroad. And although there are still so many questions (what about internships, classes, graduation, work, money??), I’m just trying to carry on.
Maybe I’ll finally have time to do my travel videos from the past few months. Or maybe I can properly document all the cooking I’ve been doing (I’ve gotten pretty good now!). It’s also a good time to volunteer and help out virtually as much as possible. Feeling pretty connected to home efforts thanks to all the online activities. It’s so hard following the news everyday – local Boston news, US news, PH news. And you hear the most difficult stories about the struggles and cases and deaths. You have to think of the individual persons beyond the statistics struggling through all of this from every vantage point. Sobrang talo yung mahihirap. Lalo na sa Pilipinas. Grabe. This pandemic is just surreal. What a test of everything.
If you want to check out how to help in the Philippines, here’s a great information hub some friends created:
26 & OVER 